The Way of Forgiveness: Learning to Live Free

Written By View Church

Pastor Victoria Sowell

Forgiveness is one of the most essential, yet misunderstood, parts of following Jesus. It’s easy to talk about, harder to live out, and often misused or confused with things it’s not. But at its core, forgiveness lies at the heart of the gospel. It’s not a one-time act or an abstract idea—it’s a way of living. Click the link above for the full message.

Let’s break it down and look at what it really means to walk in the way of forgiveness.

There’s No Christianity Without Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t a suggestion; it’s a foundation. If we believe in Jesus, we’re believing in a Savior who forgave while being wronged, who paid a debt he didn’t owe, and who gives grace that can’t be earned. So when we try to follow him while clinging to unforgiveness, we’re not really walking in his way.

This isn’t about rules—it’s about alignment. When Jesus tells us to forgive, it’s not because he’s asking us to be naive or weak. He’s inviting us to experience freedom ourselves. Forgiveness frees both the offender and the offended. That’s what makes it powerful.

How Often Should We Forgive?

In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” It was actually a generous question—most rabbis taught that forgiving three times was enough.

But Jesus turns the whole idea on its head.

“I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22 NIV)

That number isn’t literal. Jesus wasn’t giving Peter a new limit—he was destroying the idea of limits altogether. Forgiveness isn’t supposed to be calculated. It’s not about keeping score. It’s about embodying the limitless mercy God has already given to us.

The Parable That Holds Up a Mirror

Jesus follows Peter’s question with a story—the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:23-35). A servant owes the king a massive, unpayable debt—ten thousand bags of gold. When he pleads for more time, the king shows compassion and cancels the debt entirely.

But as soon as that same servant walks away free, he finds another servant who owes him just a few silver coins. And instead of showing mercy, he grabs him by the neck and demands payment. When the king finds out, he’s furious.

“‘Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’” (Matthew 18:33 NIV)

The point is clear. We’ve all been forgiven an impossible debt. When we withhold forgiveness from others, we’re forgetting the mercy we’ve received.

When Forgiveness Feels Far Away

Sometimes it’s hard to feel forgiven. Especially in a culture where we often measure our value by our performance or moral record. If you’ve grown distant from your sense of need for Jesus, forgiveness can start to feel more like a concept than a gift.

But here’s the truth: Jesus didn’t forgive you because you earned it. He didn’t forgive you because you promised to be perfect afterward. He forgave because that’s who he is—full of mercy and grace.

Ephesians 4:32 reminds us:

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (NIV)

The more we stay aware of how much we’ve been forgiven, the more it softens our hearts toward others.

Bitterness Can’t Stay Hidden

Unforgiveness never just stays between you and the other person. It grows. It festers. It spreads. If you’re holding on to resentment, even quietly, it will eventually leak into your relationships, your health, and your ability to hear God clearly.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:31-32:

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (NIV)

Bitterness can become so familiar that it starts to feel like part of us. But forgiveness is a choice to stop carrying something Jesus already offered to take.

Walking in the Way of Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t just about saying the words. It’s a process, a way of life that starts with remembering the mercy we’ve received. Here’s how to walk in it:

1. Remember You Are Forgiven

You’ve been forgiven more than you’ll ever be asked to forgive. Take time every day to remember the grace God extended to you. Say it out loud: “I receive your forgiveness. I need your forgiveness.” That kind of humility doesn’t weaken you—it grounds you.

Jesus didn’t hold your past over you. He didn’t measure your worth by your performance. He called you family and chose the cross so that you could live free.

2. Refuse to Hang Onto Offense

When the servant in Jesus’ story demanded repayment, he forgot his own mercy. That’s what unforgiveness does—it clouds our memory.

Release offense. You don’t have to forget what happened, but you don’t have to carry it either. Give it to Jesus. Let him carry what you weren’t designed to hold.

And don’t wait to feel ready. Forgiveness often comes before the feeling. It’s a decision first. One that leads to freedom.

3. Forgive from the Heart

Jesus ends the parable with a sharp line:

“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35 NIV)

It’s not just lip service. Forgiveness that doesn’t go deeper than words won’t change us. But when we forgive from the heart, it begins to reshape our inner world.

This doesn’t mean trust is instantly restored or that everything goes back to the way it was. But it means you stop rehearsing the wound and start inviting God into the healing.

Real Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. You can forgive someone without resuming a toxic or abusive relationship. Forgiveness is about your heart. It’s not about letting someone walk all over you or ignoring harm.

You can set healthy boundaries and still choose forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean justice is ignored either. God is still the ultimate Judge. You can trust him to deal with what’s beyond your reach.

What If I’m Still Angry?

A common response to the topic of forgiveness is, “But I’m too angry to forgive.” In truth, many people are angry because they haven’t forgiven.

Anger held too long becomes bitterness. And bitterness becomes a trap. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was okay—it means you’re choosing not to let it rule you anymore.

Sometimes it’s a process. Start where you are. Be honest with God. Let him meet you in that space.

Forgiveness Is Not Optional

Jesus says it plainly in Matthew 6:14-15:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (NIV)

That’s not a threat—it’s clarity. We can’t ask for grace and then refuse to give it. We can’t accept freedom and keep others in bondage.

Forgiveness is the fruit of a life transformed by the Gospel.

Ask the Hard Questions

  • Who do I need to forgive?

  • What offense am I still rehearsing in my heart?

  • Have I forgotten how much God has forgiven me?

  • Do I truly believe forgiveness is a way of life, not just a moment?

Let the Holy Spirit do the hard, slow, deep work in your heart.

Make Forgiveness Your Daily Rhythm

The truth is, forgiveness won’t always feel easy. You may need to remind yourself daily of who Jesus is, what he’s done, and how he’s calling you to live. Practice saying:

  • “I receive your forgiveness, Jesus.”

  • “I choose to forgive, even if I don’t feel it yet.”

  • “I refuse to carry what you already carried for me.”

Let those become your declarations.

Don’t Let This Be Just Something You Read

Let’s be honest—reading about forgiveness doesn’t change anything unless we do something with it. Take the step. Make the call. Write the letter. Have the conversation. Release the offense. Say the prayer. Begin the process.

If you’re not sure where to start, start here:

  • Write down the names of the people you know you need to forgive.

  • Pray for each one by name, even if it’s hard.

  • Ask God to begin softening your heart.

  • Say it out loud: “I choose to forgive.”

Forgiveness is the way of Jesus. So let’s walk in it—fully, freely, and daily.

Further Reading

Other Links

View Church https://viewchurch.co
Next

The Strength to Kneel: How Jesus Redefines Power Through Service